During the past semester and even more specifically in the last week, I have been reminded of the "Great Relationship Challenge," for both guys and girls. It doesn't help that Valentine's Day is fast approaching and people are already planning their singles parties in response. I for one am discouraged by the tendency of women in particular to band together and lament their single status. Gentlemen, I don't know what you do about this, but I sense that you probably share your tales of woe as well.
However, this is not a commentary on our February 14 holiday. That is still a few weeks away. No, this is a response to how we perceive love in relationships and the kind of person we desire in those relationships. I am struck by how many girls swoon over the romance in Twilight (which I only saw on the spur of the moment in the theatre without having read the books) and epitomize the protective, obsessive love between the two main characters. To be honest, my heart just broke when I saw how Edward put Bella on this tremendous pedestal of perfection and later how Bella emotionally and physically fell to pieces over their breakup. There are two VERY unhealthy pieces to that relationship: first, Edward idolized Bella, an imperfect being, as his first love; second, Bella found her identity in an imperfect man, and when he left, she no longer existed because her identity had vanished.
It is so easy to want to look for a man or woman who will not disappoint us, someone who we can hold up to love and worship because we know we ourselves are so flawed. That's right, we are imperfect, and we want stability and perfection in our midst. Sometimes, we find someone, and blinded by our passion, we worship them and can't even see that the other party does in fact have flaws too.
Several ladies agreed with me this week when I commented how I do not want to be idolized by any man, and if a gentleman is loving me more than he loves God, then we are in for a pretty risky venture. I imagine, too, that guys also do not wish to be the man put up on the white horse, lest they fall off their "bleached charger" and disappoint their lovely damsels in/not in distress.
Ladies and gentlemen, I challenge you to seek this in your relationships:
I desire someone:
- to love but not idolize me
- to respect but not epitomize me
- to know and challenge me
- to protect and encourage me
- to be strong in faith and weak at the knees before the Lord
- to work diligently but rest in God's Word
- to fight for truth and righteousness and surrender to the Father's will
- to be imperfect but undergoing spiritual transformation
- to see my imperfections and spur me on towards Christ
And what are the risks of relationship idolatry? Well, if someone were to put me on a pedestal, I would probably respond in one of two ways:
- Become so enamored by someone's affection for me that I no longer have the desire to grow or strengthen my relationship with God. Hey, this person already thinks I'm okay, so why go to the trouble to change?
- Become resentful that someone esteems me so much yet does not care enough to challenge me amidst my flaws. Seriously, I don't want to be perceived as perfect when there is only one great God to be worshiped first.
These are just a few reflections based upon recent conversations and the feeling that some of us need a little encouragement in this area. And where do we go to find the model of the characters we want to encourage in our friends or partners? Ladies, let's start by looking at Proverbs 31 and spur one another on; men, take a look at Boaz and be encouraging one another as well. I know there are a million other places to look, but maybe those can be suggestions we pass along to one another. Above all, remember that Christ's perfect love is incomprehensible and 1 Corinthians 13 is just a glimpse of how our hearts can be transformed in Christ!
No comments:
Post a Comment